Doug Schneider's picks...

Mischa Hayek's picks...

Was I disappointed only because so many people told me that Crank was the surprise hit of the year, and because our own Rad Bennett gave it 3.5 stars? I don’t think so. In fact, from the opening titles all the way through the closing credits, I couldn’t help wondering if I was watching the same film that Rad and the rest were talking about. Crank tries to be clever and funny, but winds up as nothing more than 87 minutes of mean-spirited nonsense without a hint of originality. All three of my Worst of 2006 were bad, but Crank is at the bottom of that heap.

John Bonito’s The Marine barely made it as my choice for Worst of 2006. It had strong competition, especially from the failed, ludicrous, and embarrassing Shortbus -- in many ways a worse movie, but at least original. The Marine is so uninspired, its action scenes so clichéd, that it offers virtually nothing for your hard-earned dollar. Vince McMahon, the owner of WWE, knows he has bankable box office in the buff, clean-cut, square-jawed wrestling star known as John Cena, The Chain Gang Soldier, so it made business sense to cast Cena, in his first film, as a very similar character: a US marine named John Triton. The plot is mindlessly simple: Triton spends most of the film chasing a gang of ruthless armed robbers who have taken his wife hostage as they flee the cops. There’s nothing in The Marine to interest anyone over the age of ten. Don’t waste a dollar on this piece of crap.